Having kids gives you a chance to revisit all the ugly stuff about peer relationships. Nearly everyday you can lend your support, or at least an attentive ear, while kids unload about the ups and downs (and pitfalls) of friendship. It's a great reminder for ourselves as adults to practice what we preach. For example, if I try to convince my child that her unsupportive friend du jour is jealous of her achievements and has limited coping strategies, I might want to remember those words the next time someone in my own circle hurls an insult my way. I try to remind my kids to apply the box of chocolates analogy (ala Forrest Gump) to the idea of friends. You know, life is much sweeter if you have more than one - blah, blah, blah. But too many of the wrong variety, and you may start to feel a little sick. Some of them are especially rich and just a taste is more than enough, or maybe you avoid the one with nuts until the day you take a leap and discover it's your favorite. I could go on and on. The truth is, I love navigating relationships and figuring people out, but it never gets easier. It's always a challenge. Relationships are the most individualized things. I could have a dozen friends, all serving different needs and I could be a different version of myself with every one of them. But on some days, I'm better off blazing a trail in the woods, on my own time and on my own terms. Sometimes a friend is exactly the opposite of what I need. Sometimes I just need a one-on-one with myself.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Exploring Friendship
Having kids gives you a chance to revisit all the ugly stuff about peer relationships. Nearly everyday you can lend your support, or at least an attentive ear, while kids unload about the ups and downs (and pitfalls) of friendship. It's a great reminder for ourselves as adults to practice what we preach. For example, if I try to convince my child that her unsupportive friend du jour is jealous of her achievements and has limited coping strategies, I might want to remember those words the next time someone in my own circle hurls an insult my way. I try to remind my kids to apply the box of chocolates analogy (ala Forrest Gump) to the idea of friends. You know, life is much sweeter if you have more than one - blah, blah, blah. But too many of the wrong variety, and you may start to feel a little sick. Some of them are especially rich and just a taste is more than enough, or maybe you avoid the one with nuts until the day you take a leap and discover it's your favorite. I could go on and on. The truth is, I love navigating relationships and figuring people out, but it never gets easier. It's always a challenge. Relationships are the most individualized things. I could have a dozen friends, all serving different needs and I could be a different version of myself with every one of them. But on some days, I'm better off blazing a trail in the woods, on my own time and on my own terms. Sometimes a friend is exactly the opposite of what I need. Sometimes I just need a one-on-one with myself.
