The End of an Era

Horse stuff for Christmas. 

Last night, born from a small moment while getting the kids ready for bedtime, my youngest asked a question that caught me COMPLETELY off guard. I had purchased a drawer organizer for the bathroom earlier in the week and we were in the process of sorting through the old lip balm tubes when we found some baby teeth in a plastic container. Nora commented that the teeth belonged to her sister. Then she looked at me and asked, “Are you the tooth fairy.”

I answered “no” pretty quickly, but she must have read it as a “yes” because, without  pause, she pressed into Santa territory. “And Santa’s not real either, right?” I think I fumbled with something like, “Do you want him to be?” Over the last year, I’d been curious more than once as to whether or not she still believed, but somehow I knew this was the right moment to gently upend the myth.

While I didn’t diminish her act of discovery or the fact that this was indeed a sad little moment, I tried to make it less heavy with a hug and a story about my own discovery when I was about her age. I couldn’t recall the details as much as my emotional connection to the unsettling news. I asked her if she was disappointed to know the truth and she ultimately said yes, at first brandishing her grade school bravado with some comments about how ridiculous “all the magic” seemed.

I went to sleep feeling badly for Nora, feeling the weight of her childhood loss. She’ll celebrate her 10^th birthday in February with the promise of a few horseback riding lessons in the spring, but Christmas will never be the same. 

Number 4: Remember other people's birthdays

BACKSTORY: Does anyone remember the small book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.?  Life's Little Instruction Book, as many of my peers may recall, was written by a father as a gift for his college-bound son. For anyone unfamiliar with the format of the book, it lists “511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life”.  I thought it would be fun to blog about the entries as they relate to my own experiences. 

Number 4: Remember other people's birthdays

Once upon a time, I was well intentioned.  I had been in the habit of transferring birthday dates from the outgoing calendar to the incoming. And whenever a birth announcement arrived in the mail, I added the date to my calendar. But over time, my system has broken down. My calendar is still marked with some birthdays, but only the ones I'm compelled to remember - husband, children, parents, siblings... If you pressed me, I'd admit that I'm wholly disappointed in myself for this breach of memory and record keeping. At this point, my brain is unreliable and I should set up something electronically.  Facebook works well if you check your page every day, but I don't.  An email reminder might be just the thing. 

Birthdays are important. As I've gotten older, I've had to slowly extricate myself from all of my former birthday expectations. With every birthday, gift volume is reduced to a trickle. Fanfare is typically mellow.  And realistically, adult birthdays can feel like an afterthought. As I get older, it remains important to me to recognize this celebration of my birth, but sometimes the fanfare is quieter. And these days, I don't need gifts, just a simple "Happy Birthday" from a friend and I feel a bit heady. I'd like it if I could reliably do this for others by always remembering their birthdays. There's room for improvement, most definitely. Maybe tomorrow I'll research www.mybirthdaytracker.com. And if tomorrow is your birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Number 3: Watch a sunrise at least once a year

BACKSTORY: Does anyone remember the small book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.?  Life's Little Instruction Book, as many of my peers may recall, was written by a father as a gift for his college-bound son. For anyone unfamiliar with the format of the book, it lists “511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life”.  I thought it would be fun to blog about the entries as they relate to my own experiences. 

Number 3: Watch a sunrise at least once a year.
I have only happened upon sunrises. This night owl has never been motivated enough to rise early for one. And since I have only witnessed them while en route to the airport or to the hospital (to delivery a baby), my sightings have always been overshadowed by other big events and have never forged stand-alone memories. A sunrise is beautiful to be sure, and life seems to bring us together without much effort.  I'm not sure people need to treat a sunrise like an event.  It happens every day after all.  But I'm glad to have a sense of them, and the stillness they inspire. It's comforting to know that the curtain so reliably opens on each new day, whether I've got a leading role or not. 

LLIBD Number 2: Have a dog.

(LLIBD stands for Life's Little Instruction Book Deconstructed.)

Does anyone remember the little book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.?  Life's Little Instruction Book, as many of my peers can probably recall, was written by a father as a gift for his college-bound son. We have two copies in our house. One was given to my husband by his mother, and the other was given to me by my mother. This actually makes sense since the once popular book was published in 1991, about the same time that we graduated from college. For anyone unfamiliar with the format of the book, it lists “511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life”. 

Of course I’ve read the book, at least once, but I thought it would be fun to blog about each entry and deconstruct them one by one through my own experiences. 

Number 2: Have a dog.

For starters, I have a dog. Her name is Ella and she ate a squirrel last week. Even still she is a constant source of joy for me (and for the rest of our family). I kiss her soft head more than I kiss anything else in this world. I feel honored to have her trust. I love to look at her beautiful face and I marvel at her agility and endurance. At night time, I look forward to sharing my bed with her, especially when it's cold. She asserts herself cozily in between me and my husband. Best of all, I believe that Ella loves me. I'm her human and that is a responsibility I don't take lightly. Having a dog gives my life depth because I'm not exclusively coming at the world as a person would. Life is somehow reduced to its most basic parts when I'm forced awake at 3AM because Ella ate something that disagreed with her. 

Life's Little Instruction Book Deconstructed

Does anyone remember the little book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.?  Life's Little Instruction Book, as many of my peers can probably recall, was written by a father as a gift for his college-bound son. We have two copies in our house. One was given to my husband by his mother, and the other was given to me by my mother. This actually makes sense since the once popular book was published in 1991, about the same time that we graduated from college. For anyone unfamiliar with the format of the book, it lists “511 suggestions, observations, and reminders on how to live a happy and rewarding life”. 


Of course I’ve read the book, at least once, but I thought it would be fun to blog about each entry and deconstruct them one by one through my own experiences. 


Number 1: Compliment three people every day.
This one almost isn't fair. I have three kids (and one husband) and if I don't throw a compliment to each of them at least once a day, I feel like an animal. Right? Aren't we programmed to compliment those we love. Complimenting loved ones nurtures alliances and rewards good behavior. On the other hand, I enjoy telling my son that he has beautiful fingers because there's clearly no manipulation going on.  Outside of that, I would say that I'm pretty free and easy with my compliments. I like reminding people of their talents and strengths. It's powerful giving to people in this way, and while it's absolutely free, it can yield greatness.

Soccer Mom

The term soccer mom has had a bum rap for years. And while my three kids play soccer, making soccer the week's dominating extracurricular activity, I don't define myself as a soccer mom. Whether it be dance, hockey, horseback, or soccer, OUR kids are involved like never before. To be honest, I used to fight it. I tried to deny the intrusions. I failed to be organized or even engaged enough to integrate these activities into our week in any kind of orderly way. In short, I failed the entire family until now. 

This year, I kiss my children awake. To be sure, my techniques were less gentle last year. I now rise early to drive my 7th grader to Jazz band rehearsal twice a week. I look forward to soccer games and reach the sidelines in anticipation of the amazing foot skills I will see on the field (instead of fretting over lost time spent there). 


I can't really explain these changes. Part of me thinks that I finally evicted my inner child, the little girl who wants to do whatever she wants, on her terms. The next few years are weighted with some hefty responsibilty. I can either wake up and make everyone miserable with my kicking and screaming attitude, or I can rise to meet the challenges of the day. 

My move to make things run more smoothly was not actually calculated, not seriously anyway. I think I just thought that shifting gears a bit would actually make my life easier and, so far, it has. Just days from my 43rd birthday, you would think I'd have it figured out by now, but I don't.

Picture Me Crying

Why doesn't anyone take pictures of their kids while they're crying? It's crazy, really, considering how much time they spend doing it. And I don't mean babies. I haven't looked lately, but most of us probably have a picture of a crying infant somewhere in an album or box. It's the older kids, let's say eight and older. I think I might start photographing crying as a punishment for crying. If someone starts to cry, I'll grab the camera and take their picture. Simple. Then I'll show it to them. No one likes the look of themselves all tear-streaked, and wet-eyed. Maybe this way I could curb their enthusiasm for crying in general. Now I'm not talking about getting rid of crying altogether. It's fine for general disappointment, death of a pet, cancelled vacation, didn't get the lead in the school play, that sort of thing. But if you start crying because you have to get your homework done before soccer practice, then I just may take your picture. I may even blog about what precipitated the crying or post the photo on Facebook. By the way, if you do take pictures of your kids when they cry, I would love to see them.